*Click.*
*Kkkssshhhk.*
437 feet. Give or take.
*Kkkssshhhk.*
*Click.*
-----------------------------
Foreign Minister

What in unholy hell is that? And why on earth is it listening to her?

Hey, Lucifer!

Don't we have something equally neat and infernal that we can unleash on this divinely (if accidentally) inspired horde of flesh-eating undead?

This blasted companion cube just seems woefully inadequate when compared to a giant purple slathering alien. *sigh*

Now... how high do we think I need to be when I drop it in order to get the zombie to make a nice, satisfying "splat"?

-----------------------------
Generalissimo of the 1st Brigade

Combat Report: Day 2

Cho'Rand radios the Alien Fleet. Moments later Cho'Angre unceremoniously falls from the sky and lands in the Stadium (?). He does not look happy...
GLaDOSa plays Demonstrators and deploys 4 Demonstrators at (29). Who she found to protest is anyone's guess...maybe she has spare test subjects packed away somewhere.
El Capitan Gyro deploys 2 Paratroopers to the Presidential Palace (16).
[Casualties Reported] El Capitan Gyro drops an Airstrike on (9), killing 1 zombie.
[Shots Fired] El Quinto fires the Gunboat at (17), again killing nothing.
[Casualties Reported] Father Ambrosio drops an Airstrike on (17), killing 1 zombie.
Archangel Gabriel moves her Army to (25).
El Capitan Gyro moves to the Presidential Palace (16).
Cho'Rand joins his Police Force at (23).
El Quinto sends his Shark Army into (20); how they continue to breath is a mystery.
[Casualties Reported] GLaDOSa moves his Army from (20) to (17) and engages the zombies there. 4 Soldiers are turned and 6 zombies are killed. Despite being out-gunned, the zombies lack the wherewithal to retreat and remain where they are.
[Casualties Reported] Yack McCoy moves his Army from (3) to (1) and is attacked by zombies. 3 Soldiers are turned and the Army is only able to take out a total of 2 zombies, forcing the Army to retreat back to (3).
[Casualties Reported] 5 Zombies in (9) move to the Presidential Palace (16) and attempt to consume el Presidente Lannister, but all of the zombies are killed without losing a single man.
[Casualties Reported] 7 Zombies move from (6) to (10) where they encircle a lone Cop who is unable to kill anything before being turned.
[Casualties Reported] 5 Zombies from (5) enter (15) and turn another Cop hiding under his desk.
[Casualties Reported] A Lone Zombie shambles into (24) from (18) and charges the unfortunate Cop, but this fellow heard the chewing over the radio and prepared himself. Faced with an actual monster clawing at his face, however, the Cop's hands tremble uncontrollably and he just about empties his entire clip before hearing the lifesaving *pop!* of a headshot.
Other Zombies continue to methodically sweep across the city towards their goal...

Well, my friends, since we are all holed up here together it is only fitting that I share with you the second half of my story.

As you remember, my escape from earth left me to fly aimlessly through space for what seemed like months and led to my revelations about the communal nature of man and the importance of collectivism and the problem of self-interest.

Not long after I had reached these shocking conclusions, there suddenly appeared a strange green light. A loud voice came over the PA: VSS ASTERIX, COME IN THIS IS VSS VINDEMIATRIX.... static broke up their communication, but I recognized it as the mothership to which Average J. Human had sent his dispatches. I replied and tried, not entirely successfully, to explain my situation. In the end, they pulled me in to their ship, which i could now see was horribly damaged and surviving on a limited crew in space suits. It was surrounded by a fleet of other similarly damaged ships, many evidently totalled and merely being towed and scavenged for spare parts.

Although I was happy to be surrounded by sentient creatures, my rescuers turned out to be incensed at humans and ordered my death. In a passionate, 100-page speech, I laid out my philosophic conversion, to which an elder Virgan religious leader, Cho'Manto was taken aback. It seems i had stumbled on the central tenets of the virgan world view and Cho'Manto took this as a sign of the potential for humanity, and saw me in particular as a kind of freak pet, as any of you might if your dog spontaneously started saying the 'Hail Mary.'

Little by little over the next few days, I prevailed on Cho'Manto to return me to earth, to return here as a prophet, marked forever as a Virgan physically, the result of a quick and painless course of surgery, but bearing my hybrid Virgan/Earthly knowledge and background. Cho'Manto, whose support I had succeeded in winning, convinced his brothers that in the light of humanity's surprising self-defense, and my conversion, the Virgan Elachs might benefit from having Earthlings as interstellar Cho, that is, interstellar brethren.

The Vindemiatrix repaired the Asterix and sent me back here, promising that they would remain close by until I had confirmede succ my mission, ready to take me with them to Virgo, should I seem to fail.

So know you now the story. I have radioed the vindemiatrix to explain our situation. Although their ship is still injured, perhaps they may be able to help us with our little problem.

-----------------------------
Minister of Internal Security

Why didn't you people let me squish that asshole with a companion cube before he got infected? He was bad enough without also wanting to follow you around trying to simultaneously eat your brains and bore you to death with his drivel...

-----------------------------
Generalissimo of the 1st Brigade