Eh, Gabriel, I suspect you might have an allergy to the creatures known as felines which have been known to share domestic spaces with human beings. I mean us. In the meantime, I would love to know more about you, your origins, and the superior being you keep referencing. Till then, I'm going to go back and eat "dinner" with my "family."
--AJ Human
Archangel Gabriel
Kristin
Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:07 pm
Blessed fr- *achoo* friends. *sniff* Although I was p-p- *achoo* - pleased to see another citizen join the Lord's Republic, I f-f- *achoo* - find. *sniff* Excuse me. Find that the Lord has inflicted me with - *achoo* - allergies to indicate His Will regarding the... er... - *achoo* - Lady of Cats. *sniff* The Lord has other great w-w- *achoo* - work for our Lady of Cats. Unto her - *achoo* - Excuse me, again. *sniff* Unto her shall be given dominion over all creatures feline and she - *achoo* - shall use them for the Greater Good of the Lord. *sniff* Perhaps she shall bear for the Lord a cat-child... *achoo* - although for some reason that doesn't sound quite right. *achoo* *sniff*
The Cat Lady
Katie
Tue Jun 19, 2012 5:51 pm
Well hello, Papayans! I'd introduce myself, but I'm afraid I've been called "cat lady" for so long that I've forgotten my real name. These, however, are Mr. Mittens, Puffball, Snowflake, Patches, Pinky, Saucepan, Lucky, and Emily Dickinson. They're here to help me--I had to leave twelve others at home. My neighbor saw how good I am at herding cats, and suggested I try a career in politics. I must say, though, I'm not sure where the two connect.
If you elect me Presidente, I will make sure there is a cat in every household by the end of the fiscal year. I also suggest we try to solve all foreign conflict with kittens, because everyone is so much happier when kittens are involved.
Also, Meow Mix is overrated.
Channel 47
Kat
Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:34 pm
*Click* *Kkkssshhhk* I'm a little concerned right now. About... your salvation and stuff. How come you have never been baptized? Because I never got around to it ok? I dunno why you always have to be judging me because I only believe in science. They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do! *Kkkssshhhk* I want chicken I want liver Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliv- *Kkkssshhhk* We just have seven left of these wonderful limited signed photos of 'El Santo' himself! So get your calls in quickly! Wouldn't one look just - so - charming over your mantle, or above your cupboard? Yes, that's right Chris, I think it would! This would go phenomenally with any sort of collection of wall art. In fact one of our viewers has sent in a photo of his own personal collection! Y'know, I once had a restraining order put on me for something simil- *Kkkssshhhk* *Click*
Archangel Gabriel
Kristin
Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:37 am
Blessed ones,
I fear that in my enthusiasm to spread the Will of the Lord, I have confused some of you. I do not seek to become Presidente. As a being of Glory and Light, earthly office does not suit me. I am the Lord's creature and only do His Will.
It was not I who rescued innocent children from the purgatorial flames of the bus, nor is it I who should stand before you, ready to lead you to Glory. I can only tell you that it is the Lord's doing that El Santo is among you to be chosen.
Unto you shall be given peace and prosperity, and it shall be the Lord's doing.
(On a side note, has anyone seen a nice virgin about? I have a message for her...)
Maximo Loco
Nick
Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:56 am
My friends, I don't think I can adequately express how happy I am to be in this veritable paradise after the living hell I have been through. I have seen first-hand what happens when the papayas run out and I will work hard so that you don't have to go through the lawlessness that is the standard in other countries.
I've lost everything I care about - my family, my dog, my car. I've been betrayed by my allies and been chased by crazed bikers in go-karts. I'm almost as excited to help lead this country as I am to eat something besides dog food.
Stefano Halconero
Tim
Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:26 pm
Transcript: Well Gabriel, you've got me there. I wasn't able to use my "divine" powers to pull any kids from a bus. I was only able to use my knowledge to predict the impact of a meteor on the Presidential Palace. But you can predict that some girl is going to get knocked up, which I know is really rare, so I guess we're even.
Archangel Gabriel
Kristin
Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:59 pm
Good and blessed people!
The Lord is clearly smiling upon you this day! But beware the false messengers of science who would seek to convince you that your punishment from heaven is to be used for the betterment of their idolatrous machinery. The Lord instead has presented you with a figure of beatitude and beneficence to place in the honored throne of Presidente!
Who better to guide the Lord's people than one who has proven his goodness and sanctity by being the means of salvation for dozens of children who otherwise would surely have perished in flames? Has this 'scientist' saved any children from the inferno of a burning bus?
Be wise, oh children of the Lord, and choose a saintly Presidente. Be wise, and the Lord will bless you with safety and security! He will give unto you a child... Oh, wait, no. Sorry. Not a child. That's for that woman whose name I can't remember...
Be wise, blessed ones, and you shall prosper!
Average J. Human
Rob
Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:49 pm
Eh, hi everybody. Or, what is it you say around here, hola? I'm happy to be here in this beautiful country. There's nothing exceptional about me, so I am sure that someone else would make a better presidente. I would, however, like to put myself up for the job of foreign minister. I'm not from around here, exactly, so I think I'd be good at it.
