Fellow citizens, it is clear that Senor mineshafto is an accomplished taker of yanqi Dollars, but I ask you: Does he really represent the average Papayan? No, I tell you. His reactionary policies reflect the Imperialistic domination of the past, not the Utopian future we deserve! I am a change candidate, and change will occur rapidly with the amount of Chinese Yuan I will help us collect!

So we're to make some sort of silly attempt at a democracy, are we? Aren't there enough rebellious colonies mucking about in the world? Very well, I will humour your little 'voting' scheme. However I flat out refuse to cast any sort of vote for that backstabbing little twit of a poet. Did you know that he was in favour of the Revolution? In favour of decapitating the rightful King? Is that the sort of boffin you want in charge of things? No, sir. It is not to be stood for. At least this Duke chap has some sort of pedigree and wasn't dragged from the earth like some sort of dirty Caliban.
Kensington.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my campaign message is simple:

I pledge to keep the Ruskies OUT and the American money flowing in like a '52 barreling in low over a barnyard! VARROOM!

My friends,
Allow me to be the first, well, technically the second, after that stately old man, to offer my tentative endorsement of Mineshaft Survivor #1 for the Presidency. He may not know up from down or not to take the Lord's name in vain, but he does share my loathing of the Godless Communists. If he will but reassure the voters that he agrees that there is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution, that it is a lie of the Left, then I'm sure he will be the man to lead us!

Juan Pablo nominates himself for the Presidency.
Mineshaft Survivor #1 nominates himself for the Presidency.
Alejandro J. Murphy nominates Duke Aelion for the Presidency.
John Milton nominates himself for the Presidency.
Prof. Thomas Brody seconds the nomination of John Milton for the Presidency.

Freed from the tyranny of absolute
Rule, I would gladly be your President.

Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.

While my extensive law-enforcement background would be extremely beneficial to this nation, I think others are probably more qualified to serve than I. However, if elected, I will uphold the office with the honor and dignity that you would expect out of the greatest police officer and gunslinger the world has ever seen.

Presidente? What is this all this business about a 'presidente'? No self-respecting, God-fearing nation should have a 'presidente', no sir. God save the Queen.
Kensington.

The position of El Presidente does not interest Manuel. The Papayan people would surely cheer the name Manuel as noble and power presidente. But Manuel tires of the election cares only to watch over his mighty estate.

WHAT'S THAT? Ortega's Dead? Well, serves 'im right, I suppose. Not the first man I've seen die, and won't be the last...why, in my day I've seen all of humanity die, I have. Matter of fact all started on a day like today, Rainy it was, though tweren't no angel's tears, I can tell you that. More like tears of wrath. That's what happens when you piss off someone upstairs. So I guess Ortega's party life style finally got the best of him...85 too, such a young man... I don't even think my rocks moved out of the house till I was at least 100... anyway, where was I? frmblrmblrmbr, Oh yes, a new presidente... Well, it ain't gonna be me, I've served my time and presidente is a young man's game, I just want a nice quiet job, out of the way, with lots of power, and with a comfy chair in my office and dinner at 4 every night, and an assassin guarding my door.

Oh, the seniors want an endorsement? well, in my day, young people respected their elders, not like this young hot shot pretty boy Juan Pablo. And I'm not saying anything against foreigners, an' you know I'm not racist, but I'm certainly not voting for some Hitler-worshipping Kraut for presidente, I mean, if you're going to destroy a race, you do it with flood, not some half-assed death camps. So I guess that leaves Mineshaft Survivor, though he's hardly much better... "oh look at me, i was trapped in a mine for 40 days" (like no one's ever seen everyone they've ever known obliterated before their eyes while they sit on a mountain top waiting for the rain to stop and then throwing their mom's bones around to make new kids.... But i'm sure the mineshaft was pretty bad... oh, kids these days...

So, yeah, Mr. "I slept in a cave for a while" for presidente, now, NURSE!,where's my Jello?